it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
did i just pee glitter
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
