Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
