tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
