I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
