I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
