a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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