i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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