Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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