I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We got so high we made milksteak
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
