I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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