it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
