i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
