it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
