Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
