Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
MIDGETS
????
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize