I've blown a few things in my day
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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