i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
