farters have to be the big spoon...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
