my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
