actually, I'm a sock model
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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