Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
