WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
