Pants 0. Shit 1.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
