as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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