so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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