I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize