someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
