Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
