our cab driver is having phone sex.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
