I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
