I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
