my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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