I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
