we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude i'm inner monologue high
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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