So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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