he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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