I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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