And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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