walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
