Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
