Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize