I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
