I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
