The maid of honor just puked.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
