Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
