i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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