apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
