my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
