My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
