she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
