i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
