My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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