I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love you. Go after that dick
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
