I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Damn victory sex feels great
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize