So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize