God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
