No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
