I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
