You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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