I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
