cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
