this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
3 2 1 whiskey
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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