I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
