Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
