Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
