i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
