It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
