OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nutella sex= disaster
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
