i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
