Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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