You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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