Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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