onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
