I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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