saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
