what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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