I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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